Stafford’s Back Acting Up Again? Oh, Goodie! Folks, I swear, if I hear the phrase “precautionary rest” one more time, I might actually start throwing things. Matthew Stafford, the man whose back is apparently made of papier-mâché, is going...
Is George Pickens the Cowboys’ Savior or Their Next Train Wreck? Alright, folks, buckle up because the Dallas Cowboys, in their infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), have decided to roll the dice on one George Pickens, formerly of the...
The Sophomore Quarterback Apocalypse Is Upon Us! Ah, the sophomore leap. That magical time when NFL players supposedly transform from bumbling rookies into goddamn superheroes. It’s like puberty, but with more concussions and endorsement deals. And let me tell...
The Quarterback Carousel of DOOM! Alright, folks, buckle up because it’s August, which means two things: pumpkin spice everything is about to assault your senses, and NFL teams are realizing their quarterbacks are made of papier-mâché and desperation is...
Fields Returns, But Should We Even Care? Okay, folks, gather ’round and let me tell you something: I’m already stressed, and it’s only July. The New York Jets, my beloved Jets, are at it again, dangling hope like a...
Another Falcons Season, Another Disaster Brewing? Oh, sweet merciful crap, here we go again. Just when you thought the Atlanta Falcons might actually assemble a team capable of, I don’t know, not being a flaming garbage fire, the football...
The Cheesehead Revolution: A New Sheriff in Town Okay, people, gather ’round, because the Green Bay Packers, America’s Team (don’t @ me, Cowboys fans, you had your moment in the sun, like, three decades ago), just handed the keys...
Jaxon Smith-Njigba’s Longing: A Tragedy in Three Acts (and an Overly Dramatic Epilogue) Okay, folks, let’s get one thing straight: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, bless his heart, misses DK Metcalf and Tyler Lockett. Apparently, trading away two Pro Bowlers and releasing...
Another NFL Holdout? I’m About to Lose It Okay, folks, buckle up, because I’m about to blow a gasket. Tre Harris, some rookie wide receiver for the Los Angeles Chargers—you know, the team perpetually stuck in the NFL’s purgatory—is...
Another Browns Rookie, Another Headache (Seriously?) Okay, folks, gather ’round, because I need to vent. Our beloved Cleveland Browns, the team that specializes in snatching defeat from the jaws of slightly less embarrassing defeat, have done it AGAIN. This...