The NFL’s Schedule Circus: Why Making Every Game Up For Bid Is Like Herding Cats on Roller Skates

Okay, listen up. You think the NFL’s scheduling ain’t complicated? Oh no, my friend. It’s like trying to build IKEA furniture while blindfolded, on a rollercoaster, and the instructions are in hieroglyphics. We’ve got more broadcast windows than a broken skyscraper and every game is up for bid like a high-stakes auction for a slightly used Beanie Baby that no one actually wants.

Running the NFL schedule is basically like being a parent to five kids who all want ice cream and a pony simultaneously. NBC Sports president Rick Cordella summed it up perfectly: “I have five kids at home and you never satisfy them all.” Replace ice cream and ponies with mega-bucks TV contracts and rabid fan bases, and welcome to the circus.

So sure, the league added fancy new broadcast windows. Christmas Day is now a permanent holiday in the NFL calendar — because apparently, football beats grandma’s fruitcake. We’ve got Thursday night games on Amazon Prime, Monday night extravaganzas on ABC and ESPN, and somehow every single game is now a high-stakes Lindy Hop audition for networks.

Here’s the rub: it’s the third year of this madness where every single game is tossed into the bidding war arena. CBS dominates the AFC, Fox has the NFC, but if some glittering NFC game pops up when CBS has the doubleheader, guess what? CBS swoops in and snatches it like a ravenous seagull.

Take Week 1, for example: Detroit Lions visiting Green Bay Packers at 4:25 p.m. EDT — technically an NFC game during CBS’s AFC doubleheader. So yeah, it’s a free-for-all out there.

Hans Schroeder, the NFL’s scheduling guru (he’s like the wizard behind the curtain but with less smoke and more spreadsheets), loves the rotation between divisions. The NFC North colliding with AFC North and NFC East means “lots of great matchups” and “fun” schedules. Fun? Buddy, fun is not the word I’d use, but I guess if you’re a suit with a clipboard and a limitless supply of coffee, sure.

Down to the wire and still untangling Christmas lights

They announced the schedule release date during the NFL Draft but didn’t lock everything down until the very last second. Games were casually announced mid-week at network upfronts like surprise stroke victims on live TV.

One hair-pulling moment was the Fox Week 16 Saturday doubleheader. Packers vs. Bears and Eagles vs. Commanders — we knew the matches but who was home? Who cares. The league finally decided Sunday night. It’s like holding your Christmas presents hostage until you finish your homework.

Bills vs. Chiefs: The Time-Honored CBS Tradition

If there was ever a year to move the Bills-Kansas City showdown prime time, it would be 2025. But nope! Week 9’s matchup remains a cozy 4:25 p.m. CBS affair. One can only guess CBS likes their football served like mom’s meatloaf: reliable, comforting, and with zero surprises.

Mahomes and Bills’ Josh Allen face off for the tenth time now (including playoffs, the ultimate nerd stats), and CBS loves chronicling this saga “of franchises and star quarterbacks.” It’s like a soap opera but with more sweat and fewer amnesia plots.

CBS also snagged the crown jewel: Chiefs vs. Cowboys on Thanksgiving Day — the magical ritual of stuffing your face while watching grown men throw a pigskin like their lives depend on it.

The Super Bowl Rematch That Fox Wanted

Ever notice how rare it is for a network to replay the Super Bowl rematch? Fox got it this year: Kansas City visiting Philadelphia in Week 2 at 4:25 p.m. — prime late afternoon real estate. Fox wanted more variety and to cut down on their 4:25 window’s Cowboy saturation (yes, some fans think of it as the “Cowboys Channel” — and honestly, they’re not wrong).

Fox president Mike Mulvihill swears they’re sprucing up the lineup with Eagles, Bills, Bengals, Detroit, Washington — a salad mix rather than a meat-heavy buffet.

Night Lights and High Stakes

NBC flexes with the season opener — Dallas vs. Philadelphia — followed by an epic Sunday Night Football clash: Baltimore’s Lamar Jackson meeting Josh Allen’s Bills. Two MVPs duking it out in prime time. It’s like throwing baby dragons at each other and hoping for a fireworks show.

Meanwhile, ABC gleefully broadcasts 13 Monday night games (11 shared with ESPN, because apparently, one network isn’t enough these days) plus doubleheaders that are basically a two-for-one football deal for the price of one DVR space.

Amazon Prime’s Thursday Night Football features every playoff team from last season. Their season finale? Denver at Kansas City on Christmas night — keeping you away from whatever family dysfunction awaits at your dinner table.

The Schedule Shuffle Means No Surprises for Some

Derek Carr retiring? Meh. Saints were already rebuilding under Kellen Moore and won’t be seeing any prime-time love. Cleveland and Tennessee also sit this one out, prime-time-wise. Bless their rebuilding hearts.

Pittsburgh’s a national brand no matter who’s quarterbacking, so Aaron Rodgers’ decision didn’t shake the schedule much. Steelers, Ravens, and Bengals all rock four prime-time games each — more nighttime football shimmer for your viewing pleasure.

Now, if Rodgers does sign with Pittsburgh, his Week 1 opponent will be the New York Jets led by none other than Justin Fields. Talk about quarterback soap opera drama to start the season.

Mike North, the NFL’s vice president of broadcast planning, admitted on a conference call that if Rodgers had already signed with the Steelers earlier, the league might have shuffled the Jets’ opener differently. But hey, last-minute chaos is NFL tradition.

Final Thoughts: The Scheduling Beast Rolls On

Try as they might, the NFL scheduling wizards are stuck trying to juggle cats wearing roller skates on a spiderweb. Everyone wants a piece of the pie, more prime-time slots, and the fanciest matchups for bragging rights.

But no one person, or algorithm, or God itself can satisfy this beast perfectly. We get chaos, compromises, and a schedule that — despite its maddening intricacies — usually delivers the football frenzy we crave.

So buckle up, because as the 2025 NFL season kicks off, expect more late-night Twitter rants, fan freakouts over channel changes, and that sweet, sweet pigskin action that keeps us coming back, betwixt and between all these broadcast juggling acts.