Guys You’ll Either Worship or Mock Mercilessly in Two Years
Alright, you glorious (and probably drunk) football fanatics, it’s that time again. Time to gaze into the crystal ball and see which college kids are gonna either save your miserable franchise or become the next Ryan Leaf. There’s NO MIDDLE GROUND, people. You hear me? NO. MIDDLE. GROUND. We’re talking about legends…or guys you’ll be photoshopping onto milk cartons by Week 3.
Every year, we get the chosen ones, the guys who are already being fitted for gold jackets while they’re still trying to figure out how to do laundry. But what about the other guys? The dudes lurking in the shadows, sharpening their cleats, ready to pounce and steal the spotlight? Let’s dive into the abyss and see who’s gonna make us rich (or send us spiraling into therapy).
Elijah Sarratt, WR, Indiana: The Guy Who Might Actually Catch a Pass in Indiana
Okay, so he led Indiana in receiving. Big whoop. It’s Indiana! (Sorry, Indiana fans, but you know it’s true. It’s like being the smartest guy in a room full of hamsters.) But seriously, this dude is 6’2″, 210 pounds, and apparently, he’s allergic to going down on first contact. Last year, he averaged almost six yards after the catch. Six! That’s like a free first down every other reception. (Side note: I once averaged six inches after a stumble. Different story.)
He’s got a new QB in Fernando Mendoza, which could either be a match made in heaven or a total dumpster fire. But if these two can click, Sarratt’s gonna be making highlight reels faster than you can say, “Wait, Indiana has a football team?” Last season, he racked up 53 receptions, 957 yards, and eight touchdowns. Not bad for a guy playing in a cornfield. This is a great sign for his potential to be a first-round pick.
Zane Durant, IDL, Penn State: The Human Bowling Ball
Penn State lost Abdul Carter (who?), but don’t cry into your lukewarm Yuengling just yet. They’ve got Zane Durant, a 6’1″, 290-pound wrecking ball who’s apparently made of solid granite. He’s short for a defensive lineman, which means he’s either gonna get swallowed whole by NFL behemoths or use his low center of gravity to become a human torpedo. (I’m betting on torpedo.)
Durant had three sacks, seven QB hits, 17 pressures, and 42 tackles last season. Those are numbers that make offensive coordinators sweat profusely, especially if they’re playing Penn State at night. He’s got a wrestler’s build and the kind of raw power that makes you wonder if he was secretly raised by bears. He must keep playing with great aggression, though, to compensate for what he lacks in height.
Taylen Green, QB, Arkansas: The Human Highlight Reel (With Occasional Bloopers)
Ah, yes, the quarterback. The position that either makes you a god or a goat. Taylen Green started at Boise State, then bounced to Arkansas, which is basically quarterback purgatory. (Unless you’re named Ryan Mallett, in which case it’s actual purgatory.)
This guy is 6’6″, 225 pounds, and reportedly has an arm that can launch a football into orbit. But he also fumbled 12 times last year. TWELVE! That’s like fumbling once a game, which is a great way to end up selling insurance in Des Moines. (No offense to insurance salesmen in Des Moines, but you get my point.) Last season, he threw for 3,146 yards, 15 touchdowns, and nine interceptions, while also rushing for 823 yards and eight touchdowns. But if he can’t stop coughing up the ball, he’s gonna be nothing more than a really tall, athletic paperweight. Can he take the Razorbacks to new heights?
Nic Anderson, WR, LSU: The “Next Man Up” (Hopefully Not the “Next Bust”)
LSU is “WRU,” they say. Which basically means they churn out wide receivers like a factory. Nic Anderson transferred there, and he’s apparently the next big thing. He’s 6’4″, 210 pounds, and supposedly has the speed to stretch the field and the frame to bully smaller defenders. But he also got hurt last year. (Narrator: He will get hurt again.) Anderson caught 38 passes for 798 yards and 10 touchdowns in 2023. Can he become an NFL first-rounder?
Here’s the thing about LSU receivers: they either become Randy Moss or they disappear into the ether. There is no in-between. This guy needs to prove he can stay healthy and catch the damn ball before anyone starts engraving his name on a Lombardi Trophy.
R Mason Thomas, EDGE, Oklahoma: The Edge Rusher Who Might Actually Be Good
R Mason Thomas had a breakout year for Oklahoma, racking up nine sacks, 23 tackles, 10 quarterback hits, and 16 pressures. Those are numbers that make offensive tackles lose sleep and start questioning their life choices. Listed at 6’2″, 250 pounds, he’s a bit undersized for an edge rusher, which means he’s either gonna get bullied by bigger offensive linemen or use his quickness to become a pass-rushing demon. I’m pulling for demon.
This guy needs to keep improving to be a first-round pick. He also needs to avoid any run-ins with the law, get into a Twitter beef with Skip Bayless, and generally act like a professional. (Good luck with that.)
CJ Allen, LB, Georgia: The Forgotten Man (Who Might Actually Be Amazing)
Georgia has a linebacker named CJ Allen who might actually be really good. He racked up 76 tackles, one interception, and four passes defended. Listed at 6’1″, 235 pounds, he’s apparently a tackling machine with the instincts of a velociraptor. This guy is playing to his strengths.
Domani Jackson, CB, Alabama: The Speedy Cornerback with a Question Mark
Domani Jackson started at USC, then transferred to Alabama. (Because why not?) He’s supposedly a height, weight, and speed freak. The dude ran a 10.25 in the 100-meter dash in high school. That’s fast! (I once ran a 10.25 in the 10-yard dash. Different story.) Jackson allowed eight receptions on 21 targets for 86 yards, one interception, and two pass breakups in man coverage. He has to work on his technique if he wants to live up to his potential.
Fernando Mendoza, QB, Indiana: The Quarterback Who Might Actually Be Good (Seriously!)
Fernando Mendoza is transferring to Indiana from Cal. He’s 6’5″, 225 pounds, which means he looks the part. He’s got a high release point, good pocket awareness, and the ability to extend plays with his legs. He isn’t a play-action-only quarterback, as he works well on true dropback attempts. He also completed 67% of his attempts for 1,023 yards, six touchdowns, and one interception on play-action passes, according to PFF. Can he climb his way into round one of the draft?
What Does This All Mean? (Besides the Inevitable Disappointment?)
Look, folks, the NFL Draft is a crapshoot. We all know it. But that doesn’t stop us from getting irrationally excited about these kids, does it? We build them up, we tear them down, and then we do it all over again next year. It’s the circle of life, except with more crippling disappointment and wasted Sundays. But if even one of these guys becomes a star, it’ll all be worth it…right? (Please say yes. I need this.)
Fan Mailbag:
Hey Drew, do you think my team will finally draft a decent quarterback this year?
No. And shame on you for even asking that. You know better. You’re doomed to an eternity of mediocrity, just like the rest of us.