Rodgers Signs One-Year Deal with Pittsburgh: Is This Real Life?
Okay, folks, let’s get this straight. Aaron Rodgers, the man who once held Green Bay hostage with his ayahuasca-fueled whims, is now a Pittsburgh Steeler. A Steeler! It’s like finding out your grandma’s been hitting the gym and bench-pressing refrigerators. Unbelievable, right?
After a New York Jets stint that went about as well as a screen door on a submarine (thanks, injury!), Rodgers is apparently looking for a “redemption arc” in the Steel City. He says he wants to finish things “the right way.” Oh, honey, the right way would have been not dragging the Jets through the mud in the first place, but hey, who am I to judge? (Spoiler alert: I’m Drew Magary, so judging is kind of my thing.)
What Does This Mean for the Steelers?
Mike Tomlin, bless his perpetually un-fired heart, is apparently thrilled. Tomlin, whose Pittsburgh Steelers have not won a Super Bowl since 2008, is hoping Rodgers can finally turn the team into contenders. In his seventeen seasons as head coach, Tomlin has managed a record of 173-100-2. The Steelers faithful are hoping that Rodgers will give them something to celebrate. And sure, Rodgers is no spring chicken, but last year he managed 3,897 passing yards and 28 touchdowns, so the guy can still sling it. Even if his receiver is a revolving door of mediocrity. (Sorry, Steelers fans, but you know it’s true.)
But here’s the real question: Can Rodgers handle the pressure of playing for a team that actually expects to win? I mean, the Jets were basically a glorified JV squad, so the bar was set pretty low. The Steelers, on the other hand, have a history, a tradition, a fanbase that will boo you into oblivion if you don’t perform. It’s like going from a community theater production of Hamlet to the Royal Shakespeare Company. Good luck, buddy.
Rodgers will have to prove he can still play at a high level to keep his starting job.
Source: sportingnews.com
Is This a Retirement Tour? (Spoiler: Yes)
Rodgers himself has all but admitted that this is his swan song. He told Pat McAfee (of course he did) that he’s “pretty sure this is it.” Hence the one-year deal. Which, let’s be honest, is probably for the best. I mean, I can barely handle one year of Rodgers’s self-indulgent antics, let alone multiple seasons. It’s like eating a whole jar of mayonnaise in one sitting: initially intriguing, ultimately nauseating.
He claims he wants to finish his career with “love and fun and peace.” Which roughly translates to “I want to get paid a boatload of money to play football and pretend I’m not completely washed up.” And who can blame him? I’d do the same thing if I had his arm talent and a complete disregard for the concept of self-awareness.
What Does This Mean for the NFL? (Besides More Rodgers Drama)
Okay, let’s get serious for a minute (don’t worry, it won’t last). Rodgers to the Steelers throws a massive wrench into the AFC playoff picture. You’ve got Mahomes in Kansas City, Allen in Buffalo, Burrow (maybe?) in Cincinnati, and now Rodgers in Pittsburgh. The AFC is turning into the Thunderdome of quarterbacks. Two men enter, one man leaves! (Except, in this case, it’s four men, and they’re all throwing footballs.)
And that’s before you even consider the ripple effect this has on the draft, free agency, and the sanity of NFL fans everywhere. Seriously, my Twitter feed is already a dumpster fire of hot takes and irrational arguments. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The Bottom Line: Buckle Up, Buttercups
So, there you have it. Aaron Rodgers is a Steeler. It’s absurd, it’s chaotic, and it’s probably going to end in a glorious train wreck. But hey, at least it’ll be entertaining. And who knows, maybe Rodgers will actually find some “love and fun and peace” in Pittsburgh. Or maybe he’ll just drive everyone crazy. Either way, I’ll be here to document it all, one sarcastic rant at a time.
Hey Drew, what are the chances the Steelers actually win the Super Bowl with Rodgers?
About as good as me winning the lottery and using the money to buy a lifetime supply of sauerkraut. But hey, anything’s possible, right? (Narrator: No, Drew. Some things are just fundamentally impossible.)