Atlanta’s Cousins Trade Dreams Are Dead on Arrival Thanks to Rodgers’ Steelers Deal

Alright, buckle up, because this whole Kirk Cousins-to-anywhere-but-Atlanta fantasy just took a gut-wrenching nosedive—straight into the abyss of “Well, maybe next lifetime.” The drama? Classic NFL soap opera levels of ‘Nooooooo! You don’t understand, this was supposed to be my big exit!’ Only this time, the exit door slammed shut thanks to none other than Aaron Rodgers making the Pittsburgh Steelers his new playground.

Let me rewind a bit for those living under a rock or perhaps just blissfully ignoring the NFL circus. Kirk Cousins, once the Falcons’ not-so-trustworthy starting QB (and now glorified backup with a $180 million albatross around his neck), has been trying *desperately* to find a new home. He’s been checking out the trade market like it was a sketchy Craigslist ad — with less luck, mind you.

Enter the Pittsburgh Steelers, the team Cousins had his eyes on like a kid eyeing candy at the checkout line. Cousins was apparently holding onto hope that he could be their “Plan B” — you know, the “Yeah, sure, he’s not Rodgers, but he’s better than the guy we’ve got?” Because, hey, hope springs eternal in the warped landscape of NFL trades.

But fate, or more accurately Rodgers’ freshly inked contract, had other plans. ESPN’s Jeremy Fowler (bless his soul for keeping us updated on these trainwrecks) dropped the news on SportsCenter that the Steelers signing Rodgers has basically dried up Cousins’ options. The trade market for Cousins? Dry as a desert in July. “Off the table,” Fowler said, as if delivering a death sentence to Cousins’ dreams.

Now, let’s talk real talk. Cousins is 36, coming off a major Achilles injury (the kind lifters and runners fear), and wrapped in a shiny four-year, $180 million contract that screams “I’m an overpaid backup.” Meanwhile, the Steelers, starved for stability post-Roethlisberger era, grab the ageless wonder Aaron Rodgers on a one-year, $13.65 million deal with $10 million guaranteed (yes, the man who can still throw back-shoulder TDs decided he’s not ready to become a full-time Netflix documentary).

So what’s left for Cousins? A shrinking pool of interested teams and a sky-high price tag. The NFL trade market is a ruthless pit where overpriced QBs get left to marinate in their own misery, and Cousins is the latest chef’s special nobody wants to eat. It’s like trying to sell a slightly used car with a mysterious engine knock that only SiriusXM hears.

The irony here is almost cruel: Cousins wanted out to find a starting gig, but now he’s trapped on a team comfortable with a rookie starter and a backup contract that’s choking their salary cap like a python on a fat steak. Atlanta’s GM Terry Fontenot isn’t about to just cut Cousins loose because that would be a $27.5 million salary cap bomb, so they’re stuck juggling him like a hot potato nobody wants to catch.

Think about it. Cousins, at his peak, was a solid-if-unspectacular starter. Now, he’s the NFL equivalent of that friend who just got benched in favor of the new hotshot. Oh, and that friend is awkwardly still showing up to the party expecting to be the center of attention. Meanwhile, the market for aging QBs with injuries and massive contracts is about as lively as a cemetery at midnight.

And what about Rodgers? For the Steelers, it’s a gamble with a seasoned vet who can still sling magic but might also be on the verge of his final curtain call. But the move effectively sealed Cousins’ fate. Rodgers’ bat signal now blinks on Pittsburgh’s skyline, and teams that might have considered Cousins are probably thinking, “Why bother?”

It’s a cruel twist in this NFL soap opera season. Cousins’ one-way ticket to starting QB land is now a ticket to nowhere. And the Falcons? They’re left with a backup QB on a premium contract, a rookie starter whose upside is yet to be proven, and front office juggling contract headaches like clowns balancing plates.

So, fans, what’s the takeaway here? If you were Kirk Cousins, you’d probably be screaming into your pillow—or at least Facebook-posting a 10,000-word essay about the injustices of NFL economics. The NFL trade market is ruthless — particularly for QBs whose bank accounts are bigger than their fanbase.

In the end, Rodgers crashing the Steelers party isn’t just a headline. It’s the domino that knocked the whole Cousins trade market into a sad, dry, utterly hopeless heap. And if you’re wondering whether Cousins will finally escape or just sit this season out, get comfy, because this circus is far from over—just sadly rerouted.

Hey Drew, any hope for Cousins?

Nope. Just invest in a good neck brace and follow the popcorn sales. This show’s got plenty of acts left.